Wakaranai

Hello foolish humans, I am here today representing the anti-spiral entertainment critics guild in presenting the 2007 awards for anti-spiral participation in the entertainment industry, and to pay tribute to the petty spiral efforts to produce art. As guardians of universal order, we bestow commendations unto the following works and roles of the year 2007 for these catergories:

Best Anti-spiral Actor:

 
Anti-spiral for his recurring role in the animated television series Gurren Lagann! A newcomer to the acting scene, anti-spiral took to his heroic role with natural flare, injecting both menace and mystery into the character. His chemistry with the antagonist Simon was a highlight of the series.

[Applause]

[Edited Speech:] Foolish humans… spiral energy…stay underground…end of the universe…thank my mum.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Best Moment of Absolute Despair:

 
This award was contended, so we feel obliged to give Zetsubou-sensei an honourable mention for his role in Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. Mr Itoshiki’s diligence in his contributions to seeding absolute despair in the hearts and minds of his fellow spirals is an achievement. However, the award goes to the anime series Kaiji for the sequence in episode 11, which crushingly depicts humans at their most cruel and selfish, and places Kaiji himself in a situation that is overwhelmingly shameful and saddening. We want to see more useless human beings walk the beam of shame!

Push! Push! Push!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Best QUALITY:

 
This award undoubtedly belongs to Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai, which, much unlike it’s predecessor, restrained itself from unleashing its truly “great” animation until it finally broke the rut of consistent animation in episode 23. While we anti-spirals are not known for our love of individuality, studio DEEN’s refusal to be pinned down by the constraints of traditional animation production and their subsequent scenes of epic fail, have spoken to us.

Spiral men can’t draw.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Best Betrayal

Spiral beings often love to betray each other, and we, as higher, more ethereal beings love to voyeuristically watch them squabble and backstab while we calmly celebrate the unity and cohesion of our own superior race. And we believe that if you’re going to do something, you should do it well, or do it in space. Andou’s unexpected and quite profound betrayal of his comrade Kaiji wasn’t in space, but it was a mighty fine example of the corruption of the human soul. We reward his honest portrayal of the spiral being with this honourable award and a contract to star in an upcoming anti-spiral propaganda ad campaign.

[ANDOUUUUUUUUU!! >:3]
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Best Murderous Bastard

Ignorance is no excuse for you fetid apes to not be killing each other. If you’re like Rossiu and are actually concerned about the obliteration of the universe itself, you should seriously consider the number game that has the whole sphere of existence at stake. The more apes that run around the place doing as they please, the closer we come to total annihilation. Instead of committing mass metaphysical suicide in the absolute-hope idealism of Simon the vile and wrong, consider the benefits of the odd decapitation, and the rewards of the occasional bout of infanticide. Don’t worry about contraception; it’s not very interesting. Anyway, without even having to be told, Ladd Russo of Baccano! fame racked up a massive body count and he damned well had fun doing it. And so, applaud our blood-stained winner, but don’t make eye-contact!

Kill the Elevens!
 
 
 
 

Best Spiral Death:

Although he, owing to mortal constraints, is unable to receive the award today, we are pleased to announce that the winner is Kamina for his glorious, but satisfyingly futile death in Gurren Lagann.

[BAWWWW] ;_;
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The “Masa-san~” Award

This year the Masa-san~ award goes to Masa-san for his role as himself in the anime series Seto no Hanayome. Never before has any man so truly embodied the spirit of Masa-san. So, faun over the win that is Masa as he takes his award.

[Masa-san~]
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Most Annoying Person of the Year:

Biggest Pile of Overrated Garbage:

 
CLANNAD
If we’d known you damned spirals had this faux drama in the works we would have fought harder to defeat you! Kyoto Animation has finally made our shitlist for further popularising the generic, by prettifying dating-sim drivel and passing it off as a serious romance/drama. It’s not that it’s awful; it’s just that IT’S NOT AWESOME. NO, IT ISN’T THE BEST ANIME OF THE YEAR. YOU HEARD ME! AND THE ANIMATION ISN’T ANYTHING SPECIAL EITHER! THAT’S RIGHT! WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DRILL..? YOU.. NO..NOO!!!

SEE YOU LATER SPACE COWBOY…